so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
