Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
