I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
