So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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