Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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