Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
