He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
