My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize