i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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