Your tits are I can't wait for
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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