I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
