Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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