My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
