He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
