apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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