Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
