guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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