You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
