my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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