im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dicks are not precious.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
