Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
