After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
