i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
