Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize