I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
