Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
