i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
