ugly people sure do ruin things
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
