I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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