The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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