he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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