I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
