i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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