I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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