She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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