just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize