I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They took my balls.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
