i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
