chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i now understand why vodka
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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