The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
