Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
