he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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