I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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