I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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