There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
