I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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