Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
