We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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