I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
