playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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