Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
