i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can't special order awesome
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
