i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
