cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
