I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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