I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
