You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
