Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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