do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
