His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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