Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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