i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
