He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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