I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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