I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
