My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
