you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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