Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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