I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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