morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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